May 18th, 2025
A few days ago I was on twitter while drunk and saw a drawing of a furry with a shirt that said "#1 Fent Dealer" and in my unusual aggressive manner (I almost never qrt or are mean to people online), I qrt'd and called it ugly. Usually when I'm mean online and someone responds, I feel bad and regret it but all the people that replied to me are such fucking losers I couldn't care at all. Someone qrt'd making fun of My art except they chose a drawing I made of me & my friends ocs and it was just like. I had so much fun drawing it and my friends loved it, so it was like. I love this drawing and you calling it ugly means nothing to me. Maybe if it was a different drawing it would've gotten to me, but that one could not lol. Someone also called me chopped/ugly and it was Again like. So many people have had crushes on me in my life, I get catcalled, whatever, I just don't believe that I'm ugly sorry. My partner loves my body and face, and tells me that every single day, so one comment calling me ugly really couldn't get to me at all. They also had no pictures of them on their profile - Statistically photoless twitter accounts are not particularly hot themselves lol.
Lastly and most strange, a friend of the OG artist decided to print out my tweet hating on the drawing, and also collage a bunch of pictures of my face around it. Like oookay? I don't know how I am supposed to think you and you friends are anything but weird assholes if you do that. They also purposely misgendered me (called me girl & retweeted someone else who did) and simultaneously mis-sexuality'd ( is that a thing help) me. They put the gay male flag behind the photos of me even tho my profile clearly states I'm a lesbian. I don't really know what this person wanted to get out of this because I couldn't even feel bad about this since its just such a weird thing to do to someone. Also, I thought it was funny they had to crop me out of a bunch of pictures with my partner & irl friends to make the collage lol. Like, I can't say for sure they're a loser irl or anything, but the vision of some chronic twitter user cropping my friends out of pictures is really funny to me.
May 15th, 2025
My partner plays this roblox roleplay game called The Sanctuary/Phoenix International. Its about an island of dinosaurs that get observed and tested on sometimes. We both love dinosaurs so after they talked about it for a few months, I decided to apply. I got in as a dinosaur actor (which? Is actually very serious. they don't play about these dinos. i was one of only 19 people who got in out of like, a thousand applications? like okayy). I played for the first time tonight as a minmi. It was very chill since its late at night and not a lot of people were on. I joined a pack with a random guy and we talked a bit. I'm not a big gamer so I'm not sure how much I'll play after this, but it was enjoyable. The models are very beautiful for a roblox game.
May 12th, 2025
Just a little update on a bunch of stuff. I have my permit now, so, this summer my main goal is to practice driving and get my actual license. I submitted my last final today so I'm officially off for the summer! My fafsa finally went through, and I applied again for my biggest scholarship (I applied for my fafsa admitedly very late and I was stressed I couldn't meet my scholarships deadline). I paid off my Tanzania trip, have my passport, got my visa, and paid for my plane tickets. I've had a horrible at worst, mid at best, last month or so, so I'm very glad to have all this stuff wrapped up. I've been slacking on my hobbies due to a lack of motivation from family circumstances, but I'm at my partner's right now and I'm ready to start my summer and be in control again. My online best friend is coming over in a week, it'll be the 4th time we've met irl, and then I go to Tanzania in July.
May 7th, 2025
I feel an annoying amount of spite to my sister and her boyfriend right now. I hate how they just pretend I don't exist in my own house. I just don't understand why they had to specifically go "we're not inviting you to anything anymore" when they already weren't doing that. Today my sister wouldn't even take my dad's phone from my hand when we were ordering dinner and I just wanted to fucking punch her in the face. I already felt incredibly isolated from my family, my brother and sister had hardly invited me to anything recently, and then they decide to rub it in my face even more for some reason. I know they're teenagers with shitty conflict skills and I've talked about it to both of my parents who agree they went about this in a shitty way, but it fucking sucks to know no one wants you there in your Own house. I hear my sister, her bf, my brother and his gf laughing from across the basement and I want to cry and scream. I've never had conflict with my siblings, we never really had fights past the age of like 10, so I just don't understand this whole thing at all.
It makes me feel physically violent in a way that makes me feel afraid of myself. I'm staying at my partner's house for a week on the 9th and I'm so excited to just be AWAY from them. I really hate them so much right now. I don't want to forgive them for isolating me for 3+ weeks from my main social interaction (I've always been incredibly close with my whole family, I tell them everything). If they ever stop being little bitches avoiding me, I don't know if I'll be able to hold back from telling them that they've made me incredibly angry and depressed the last month.
April 23rd, 2025
I know followers don't matter much on neocities and people interact way more on here than they do other sites but like. I still have a habit of not really following people if they have over 100 followers lol. I just don't feel like I'll have a cool enough site for them to want to follow me back. I'll enjoy their website, maybe leave a comment or save it to my folder to check back for updates, but I just.. don't really want to follow you anymore.. Pretty much everyone I follow has under 30 tbh. Maybe I have this extra bitterness because no one follows me first, I always do it first..
April 16th, 2025
It's funny going from a scum of the internet user to very mentally stable and happy.. as a teen I ran a few gore blogs on tumblr. I was on edtwt (before it started getting all the attention it seems to have currently..). I was active on self harm forums. I don't think I could really stomach any of this now. Especially the gore. A few of my friends occasionally send self harm stuff to me still, and even those get me a bit squeamish. I can't ever imagine being anorexic again caus my partner has made me love my fat so much. Theres some world where I return to these things.. maybe a death in my 20s, a really horrible job or series of events, but I really think I could never do any of those things again.